Monday, January 21, 2019

Chapter Twenty-five - A Family Healed

Inbound
New Belfast system
Tamar March, Federated Commonwealth
3 July 3054

“How are you feeling?” asked Joshua of Justice as he walked into the infirmary. He was holding Daniel.

“Confused mostly. Javier keeps asking me about things I don’t remember. He’s so disappointed. I feel so empty, like whole portions of my life are gone.”

“I’m certain it’s quite frightening for you.”

“I’m curious. Why the Star Swords? Why are you helping the Northwind Rebellion?”

“Well, the truth is, you asked us to.”

“I did?”

“Yes, you contacted us. There was a munitions dump you feared was the prelude to a new offensive. You contacted us personally to deal with it. That’s why we sent the Dark Rangers to Northwind.”

“Who are they?”

“They were the mercenaries you were trying to free from the prison when you were captured.”

Justice shook her head. “It’s like looking at a jigsaw puzzle. There are parts of what people tell me that I recognize and understand. But not others. There are holes in everything. Mercenaries that fought at my side that I don’t remember. A personal plea to a unit I know no one in.”

“Dr. Jefferson says the pieces will come with time.”

“What’s your interest in me, General?”

“Well, call me a concerned friend.” Said Joshua casually. He was reluctant to go into it. Justice smiled slyly.

“If you aren’t careful, Gwen will be angry with you.” She got a quirky look. “Not that I’d mind.”

“What makes you think there’s anything between Gwen and I?”

“She’s always with you. She takes care of your son.”

“Well, she is my intelligence liaison…and a very old and dear friend.”

“I don’t like Gwen. Something about her. I can’t help but wonder if it’s something from my past that I don’t remember clearly.”

“Maybe.” Said Joshua. “She can take some getting used to. She speaks her mind and doesn’t take much crap from anyone. Her boldness can put people off sometimes. But I can’t imagine you’ve seen much of that side of her.”

“She does try to be nice to me, but it seems artificial. I’m not sure she’s happy that I’m here.”

“Oh, I don’t think that at all.” He answered. Justice gave Joshua a sharp look, as if she didn’t believe a word of it.

“I call bullshit. She’s jealous. I may not have all my marbles. But I can see it.” She paused. “And you don’t help matters with her with your constant visits. Surely a Hauptmann General has more important things. And then there’s the way you look at me.”

Joshua looked away, embarrassed. He had hoped his feelings would not be so obvious, as he feared that might scare Lisa into a retreat.

“Javier tells me you have some sort of vendetta against the man who captured me.” She said, changing the subject.

“We share a common enemy. O’Malley has sworn undying vengeance upon me.”

“Why?”

“Because of his brother. He was killed…in sword duel to reclaim the woman I loved from his captivity.”

“You didn’t kill him?”

“No, she did. But O’Malley blamed us both.”

“Gwen?” asked Justice.

“No. Someone else.”

“Javier said he captured her too. That’s why she limps. I thought maybe…”

“O’Malley is a monstrous man. And many of us have tangled with him. But it’s really just coincidence.”

Daniel at this time had crawled out of Joshua’s lap and over to Justice. She picked him up and held him, the action was almost automatic.

“You’ve met my son before. Be good, Daniel.”  said Joshua.  “Do you remember if you have any children?”

“Hello, Daniel.” Said Justice. Joshua noticed she was trembling. “I think I did.”

Joshua leaned forward, expecting an epiphany from her at any moment. “What do you remember about him?”

“A little boy. There were problems. I think maybe he died.”

“And his father?”

Justice shook her head. “If I had a son, then he had a father. Simple logic. But I remember nothing.”

Joshua began to wonder who it was that she might think of as Daniel’s father. He decided to retreat from this line of questioning, but the Justice perked up. “Wait! I think….maybe there’s something there after all.”

“And that is?”

“Yes, I remember him, sort of. I don’t remember what he looked like, but I remember he was brave and strong. Very talented and kind. A mechwarrior, I remember he was that. I failed him. Something happened and we started to fall apart. He thought I didn’t love him, so he went into the arms of another. I thought that was the end of it, so I left. I thought he didn’t want me any more.”

“That’s an amazing amount of information.” Complemented Joshua.

“But I don’t remember his name. I don’t remember what he looked like. He fathered my child and I remember nothing else about him.” Said Justice with frustration. “Just feelings, thoughts, impressions. But no hard facts.”

“Your brain won’t let you fill those in.”

“Why not?” said Justice with exasperation.

“Because there’s pain there and your mind is trying to protect you. It’s all very complicated.” Said Joshua. “Dr. Jefferson said this will take time. The holes will fill in eventually.” He looked down at his feet and was silent for a long time. “Sometimes, I envy you.” He mused.

“Why is that? Did I say something wrong?” asked Justice.

“No, no, you just reminded me of something. A mistake I made myself once and the pain I bear because of it. Some things in life would be nice to forget.”

“I’m sorry. This is supposed to be about me remembering things, not you.”

“Yeah,” said Joshua as he stood up. “I have a confession to make. I did the same thing once as your husband. Lost patience with the woman I loved, Daniel’s mother. So I found solace in the arms of another.”

“Gwen.” It was not a question.

“You suspected that from the very start, didn’t you? That’s why you asked me those questions.”

“She has a lot of affection for you.” Said Justice. “And you her. It’s obvious even to me. But you call her friend, not lover. Why? Does your guilt over this make you keep her at arms length?”

“It’s complicated. She was an old friend I thought I’d never see again. When we reunited, things got out of hand and I did some things I wish I hadn’t. Those things cost me my wife. Like you, she left.”

“Do you want her back?”

“Do you want to go back to your own husband?” asked Joshua, evading her question. “I suppose they’re both silly questions. We can wish and long for all we want. Reality brings cold comfort.”

“I don’t know if I want him back.” Said Justice. “It might help if I remembered more about him. If I knew who he was, what he was really like. If I knew he was sorry for what he’d done.”

“Yeah.”

There came a rapping at the observation window. “Dr. Jefferson is calling.” Said Joshua. “I guess our time is up.”

“I like that you visit me, General. Don’t let Gwen stop you.”

“She won’t.” Joshua picked up Daniel and headed for the door.

“Can you keep Daniel here? Can I watch him?”

Joshua paused. “I don’t see why not.”

“I want to remember what it was like. To be a mother, just for a little while.”

Joshua nodded. “You be good, kid.” he said to his son, setting him back down on Justice’s bed.

“Otay, Daddy.” Said Daniel with a grin.

Joshua walked outside. Dr. Jefferson pulled him aside. “Remarkable progress. Now that you’ve taken over for Javier, she’s making huge strides. You’re getting bolder in your conversations, as is she. She may not remember that you are the husband of which she speaks, but she trusts you. Bringing Daniel helps also.”

“There’s still a lot missing.” Said Joshua, looking in at her. “Doc, it’s one thing for her to remember all the good stuff…”

“…but she’s not remembering just that. She remembers your affair with Gwen, even if obliquely.”

“But that’s not what I’m worried about it. She’s still said nothing of what happened in Richard O’Malley’s torture chamber. Nor have any of us dared approach the events at the Jade Falcon camp when she was prisoner of Robert O’Malley. Talking about the duel was as close as I even I dare risk.”

“You are worried that there’ll be some sort of reaction when she remembers either of those two events?”

“I am. As you say, we’ve made progress. She’s putting the pieces together. But what if she doesn’t like the whole picture? What if something I say or that she remembers causes her to withdraw back within herself again?”

“I’d worry about that when it happens. We’ll be on New Belfast in another day or so. Home ought to jog a lot of new memories.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s something else. Another strategy we might try. She may not remember you as her husband, but the feelings are there. The way she looks at you, the concern she has over Gwen, even her questions about you, imply that she is attracted to you.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Well, she’s an attractive young woman, who’s lost and alone on what will be both a familiar and unfamiliar world at the same time. And there you are, a young man who is also seemingly alone, one she trusts, one who appears interested in her. Do you see the possibility here?”

“Are you suggesting that I try to make her fall in love with me again? That it might make her realize who I am?”

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot.” Said Jefferson. “Of course, what will Gwen say if you try that?”

“Now you sound like her.” Said Joshua, nodding in Lisa’s direction.

“It’s no secret to any of us in the Star Swords that your heart is undecided in this matter. You did not answer Lisa’s direct question about whether you wanted your wife back or not. Your lack of any answer may not mean anything to her…yet, but it speaks volumes to me.”

“You forget your place, Doctor. You may have been my wife’s physician from the time she was in diapers, but don’t be so familiar with me.”

“You betrayed Lisa, General.” Said Jefferson, growing angry. “Whether I have the right or privilege to remind you of that doesn’t matter. You fear what remembering the rape of Robert or the tortures of Richard will do to her. Let me tell you what I fear. Her seeing you with Gwen. In some small way, she may interpret that for what it is, a rejection and it may set us back. She’ll withdraw back into herself. I can’t let that happen. So if you plan to pursue Gwen Laidir as your lover, then stay away from Lisa. Leave her healing to those of us who still care about her.”

“You dare accuse me of not caring for my wife?”

“You can talk all you want, Joshua. But your actions speak louder. You have a decision to make. She depends upon it.”

Rasalhague
Wolf Clan Occupation Zone, Free Rasalhague Republic
10 July 3054

Khan Phelan Ward of Clan Wolf brought his report to a close. “At latest estimates, it will be another month before the Jade Falcons can shift their garrisons around to allow Dal Pryde his strike. The Swords are soon to arrive on New Belfast, so the clock is now ticking.”

“Mobilize the 13th Wolf Guards. I want you on the move by the end of this week.” Said IlKhan Kerensky.

“You will, I presume, relay to me the information on Pryde’s departure the instant you discover it?”
“Of course. Good luck, Phelan.”

New Belfast
Tamar March, Federated Commonwealth
6 July 3054

“My God, it is good to be home.” Said Joshua with a loud cry. Around him was the hustle and bustle of the MacLeod City Spaceport as the Star Swords began their disembarking operations. Technicians dashed about as Battlemechs and other equipment were unloaded from the dropships.

“I agree.” Said Daisaku, more calmly. “I never thought I would miss this crappy CO2 tainted air. Or the constant smell of manure in the air.”

“We are home at last.” Said Joshua with excitement.

“As is she.” Said Daisaku with a nod. Joshua followed his gaze to see Justice coming across the tarmac with Dr. Jefferson close behind.

“Good to see you outside an infirmary, Justice.” Said Daisaku as they walked up.

“It’s good to be off of a dropship and on terra firma again.” She replied.

“Welcome to New Belfast.” Said Joshua. “This is our home, the Star Swords permanent duty station.”

“We are a long way from Northwind.” Said Justice.

“We are. It was a long journey and I agree. It’s good to be on real ground again.” Said Joshua. “So, doctor, is our patient free to go?”

“Her memory therapy continues, but obviously need not be done inside a hospital room. Physically, she’s fine. Her lacerations and burns have healed. There’s no reason for her to remain under my constant supervision.”

“Josh, I can oversee the disembarking.” Offer Daisaku. “Why don’t you enjoy your first day home?”

“Thank you, Daisaku. Justice, would you care to join me?”

“Sure.” She said eagerly. She walked over to Joshua and grabbed his arm.

“I know a great place. Let me get some things from my office here on base and I’ll take you there.”

“Wonderful.”

---

“The view from up here is incredible.” Mused Justice as she looked out over the sea. Far below them, the waves crashed rhythmically against the cliffs.

“Yes, this is one of my favorite places to go. Incredible view of the sea, of the city not so far away.”

“The castle.” Added Justice. “It adds a nice touch too.”

“Yes, Castle MacLeod, home to the ruling family of this planet.”

“I’m sure your wife loved this place.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can’t believe you only ever came here alone. That you kept it all to yourself.”

“Well, no. I did bring her here on occasion.”

“For a picnic lunch not unlike this one.” Said Justice with a sly grin. “And I suspect for more than just to eat. I’d be willing to bet that you conceived Daniel on this very spot.” She leaned in close. “You know, this is the first time we’ve truly been alone. No observing nurse or Dr. Jefferson. First time you can really do what’s been hiding behind your eyes all this time.”

“Am I truly that transparent?”

“Don’t think I haven’t been thinking about it either.” Said Justice with a playful squeeze at Joshua’s crotch. “There’s something about you, Joshua. I feel safe when I’m near you. The confusion in my mind doesn’t seem to matter anymore. There’s a part of me that doesn’t care if I ever remember, just so long as I can be with you.” She leaned in even closer and kissed him.

As she pulled away, Joshua smiled. “So, being the ever efficient military man that I am, are we having lunch first or….”

“I’m not waiting any longer.” Said Justice forcefully.

---

Joshua drove the jeep down from the cliff side picnic site back to the base. It was now mid-afternoon and most of the work of disembarking the mechs had been completed. There was still some activity on the tarmac as other equipment, such as ammunition and repair parts, continued to be unloaded.

Joshua was largely quiet as he drove Justice back. While he had certainly hoped things might progress romantically between them, even he was surprised that she had been so eager to make love on their first “date.” Surprised for a lot of reasons. He remembered well her frigidity after Robert’s rape, and with all the other mental difficulties she was now undergoing he thought surely she would still retain that one. But there was no hesitancy, no fearful drawing back, no nightmarish flashback. Instead there was passion, there was tenderness. There was no fear.

She looked at him playfully as he drove. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I’m just a bit surprised. Thinking about what happened back there. What we did.”

“Was I a bit too forward?”

“No.”

She tapped the ring on the bridge of her nose. Joshua had, as had everyone else, noticed it when she was returned to them on Hesperus. But he’d always assumed it was just a simple affectation. Some worlds had a thriving subculture of bodyart: tattoos, artistic scarring, piercings, and the like. Having never visited Northwind, he simply assumed that world was among them. “I should have something to show for this.” She said in reference to the ring.

“That’s not just decoration? It means something?”

“I think so. Javier says this is the mark of the renkesu, a caste of concubines in Kurita culture. Apparently, somewhere along the way, in the midst of all of those lost memories, I was someone’s mistress and trained accordingly.”

“But you don’t remember?”

“No. That’s another lost memory.” She answered. “And maybe that one can stay lost. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the idea that I was someone’s pet.”

“I can imagine.” He drove the jeep into the hanger and pulled it to a stop. He looked at her. “You’ve had quite an adventuresome life, Justice. Even what few pieces we know of it show that you’ve done and been involved in a lot of remarkable things.”

“Seems that way. Wife, mother, mistress, rebel.” She looked up at the giant Battlemechs that now surrounded them, each in its own repair bay. “You brought me here for a reason.”

“I did. There’s another chapter in the story. One I wondered if you might remember.”

“You’ve known all along who I really am.”

“Of course, I have. We all know who you really are. But telling you outright won’t bring back your memories. Those have to come on their own. So I brought you here thinking this might trigger a few.”

“My husband was a mechwarrior.” Said Justice. “I remember that. He was one of yours, wasn’t he?”

“He was a Star Sword, yes. But you could have guessed that on your own.”

“Was? What became of him?”

“What do you think is the answer to that question?” said Joshua, getting out and walking over to the foot of a PHX-3S Phoenix Hawk.

Justice followed quietly, clearing trying to put the pieces together in her head. Joshua knew there was only one logical conclusion she could now draw, but would it be enough to unlock those memories?

“This is his machine?” she asked. Her mind had found an out.

“No, that one is.” Joshua pointed behind him at the SHD-2D Shadow Hawk that was Galileo.

Justice looked up at Galileo, as if inspecting every inch of the massive machine. She looked intently at the emblem of the astronomer on the left breast of the mech. She then glanced next to it, to the Ryoken Galileo III in the next repair bay over.

“Then whose is this one?” she said, turning back to the Phoenix Hawk.

“You know the answer.”

“It’s mine, isn’t it? It’s not just that my husband was one of yours. So was I.”

Joshua nodded.

“That’s why I called you for help on Northwind.”

“It is. You knew we’d do something. You knew we’d find a way to help.”

“So, I don’t remember this machine.  But let’s see if it remembers me.” Said Justice.

“Indeed.”

Joshua joined her on the elevator as it took them both up to the mech’s head and cockpit. Justice walked over and slid inside. She reached behind her to find the locker with her cooling vest.

“You’re going to watch me undress, aren’t you?”

“We spent the afternoon making love and you’re worried about modesty now?” he teased.

Justice pulled off her shirt and pulled the cooling vest down over her bra. She worked off her pants and playfully tossed them at Joshua. He tossed them back and she stuffed them with her shirt into the locker.

Justice pulled on her neurohelment and then worked the controls. A rapid combination of switches and buttons unlocked the console. The machine’s engine hummed to life.

“I don’t know how I remembered the unlock sequence, but I did.”

“Just go with it. Your subconscious mind does remember, even if your conscious one doesn’t.”

Justice worked the foot pedals and the Phoenix Hawk stepped forward. Joshua held on as the machine lurched out of its repair bay. “Sorry.” Justice called up. “I think I’m a little rusty.”

“You’ll remember. Care to take me over to my machine? Maybe a little wargame will help you remember?”

Justice brought the Phoenix Hawk’s hand up to its shoulder. Joshua stepped into the grip of the hand and the fingers closed about him. Gently, she took him off the Phoenix Hawk’s shoulder and carried him over to Galileo III.

“You remembered which machine was mine.” Yelled Joshua back at her as he stepped over to his own cockpit. He was disappointed however. He had hoped she might deliver him to the older Shadow Hawk instead of his Ryoken. It was clear to him now that her mind was fighting the obvious conclusions. Lisa was clearly capable of making logical deductions and there was no way she couldn’t have deduced that he was her husband. Yet somehow, she avoided it.

Maybe I’m pushing her too hard. But after our picnic, after her touch, being with her, I’m tired of waiting. I want her back. I want all of her back.” He thought to himself as he slid into his cockpit. His machine hummed to life.

“Ok, Justice,” he said into his headset. “I do hope you remember how to set your weapons for practice mode.”

“Already done.”

“Good, because this has been a really good day and I don’t feel like ending it by dying.” Joshua then hailed the command center. “Command Center, Messer here. Taking out Galileo III and Gil-Galad for exercises.”

“Roger, General.” Came back Daisaku’s voice. “Enjoy.”

---

The two found a suitable area north of the city, uninhabited, free and clear of any distractions. It was the southern end of the mountain range that ran north-south near MacLeod City; a small valley away from the heavily traveled central corridor of that mountain range. They took up positions on opposite sides of that valley. Joshua proceeded cautiously, uncertain of how hard to push Justice.

Justice blasted her mech skyward on its jumpjets, coming to rest at the bottom of a gully about half a kilometer from Joshua. “So much for taking it easy,” thought Joshua, “She remembers plenty.

Justice ran across the floor of the gully, rapidly closing the distance to Joshua’s machine. Joshua turned the corner, keeping the hillside between himself and Justice and preventing her from getting any early potshots on his machine. He then headed for the high ground, just as Justice blasted out of the gully to take the peak.

“King of the hill, is it?” he taunted her. He twisted and brought his gauss rifle reticule onto her machine. He squeezed the trigger, but he shot went wide. Justice lashed out with her lasers, one slashing across Joshua’s machine to strike his right arm.

“I draw first blood, General.”

“So you do.” He said. He pulled his mech into a nearby patch of trees.  “But your alpha strike has spiked your heat.”

“It’ll be worth it.” She replied, rocketing into the air again. She was a lot more aggressive than he thought she’d be, fighting like the Lisa he remembered. She came down right behind him.

Joshua twisted his mech again, bringing the quartet of lasers on his right arm around on her. This time, he did not miss. One laser scorched across her right side before Joshua adjusted his aim, bringing the other three together into her left arm. Had the weapons fire been real, the volley would have shorn the arm from her machine. As it was, the computers running the practice battle merely shut it down, leaving it limp at her mech’s side.

But Justice gave as good as she got, unleashing her own firepower into Joshua’s vulnerable backside. Joshua watched as his rear torso armor vanished in a hail of pulse laser fire.

The devastating double volley was enough for both machines to simulate a fall. In a real combat, the landing would be much rougher, but Joshua’s machine tipped over and thumped gently to the earth. The computer then calculated the damage the fall inflicted. Behind him, Justice’s machine did the same.

Justice brought her machine back to its feet and ran down the hill, trying to put distance between her and Joshua. Although the double volley was a rough one, it was clear that Joshua came out the better of the two of them. Joshua brought his machine up and charged after her. Now it was his turn for an alpha strike. Firing all weapons, he tore into her machine, but managed only to savage her armor. Nothing critical. Her machine twisted and put two laser shots into him.

Joshua turned off to the left and headed down the hill, expecting at any second for Justice to vault behind him again with her jump jets. At close quarters, her Phoenix Hawk held the advantage in mobility because of those jump jets. But to his surprise, she didn’t take the opening he gave her, launching herself instead back down to the floor of the canyon behind him.

Joshua turned to exploit this, but she merely waited a few seconds for her jets to cool before rocketing back up to the top of the hill. “This really is king of the hill.” Laughed Joshua. He turned and closed.

But it was clearly the move Justice was waiting for. Her pulse laser flashed as Joshua climbed up to her, cutting right across his cockpit. In real combat, it would have vaporized the armor on his mech’s head and in all likelihood killed him. The shot threw off Joshua’s aim, and despite being point blank with her machine, was able to land only a single laser hit.

“Ouch!” said Joshua. “Remind me not to underestimate you again.”

“I’m remembering fast.”

“No shit.” Said Joshua. “I outmatch you in every way but mobility, but I think you’re winning.”

“I hope.” She said, firing her jets yet again and blasting away from him.

Rather than chase, Joshua chose retreat, heading back to the canyon floor. Justice jumped after him, but Joshua kept terrain between them preventing another exchange of fire.

“No fair playing keep away.” She taunted.

“Oh?” He cut loose with his weapons again, but he was moving too fast to keep his aim. He missed.

“Nice try.” She dropped her pulse laser reticule onto his machine and cut loose with a blast as he passed between rocks. It struck home.

“Damn. Nice shooting.”

“Thank you.” She replied as Joshua ran on ahead down the canyon. The chase was on. Justice pulled in behind him.

Joshua ran up another hill and put his back to a large boulder. Justice cut wide and came around. Again, her mobility fouled his arm and he missed.

“How did you get to be General if you shoot this badly?” she teased.

Joshua was getting frustrated. It had been a while for him inside a mech as well, and it really showed. He should have beaten Justice handily. His mech was stronger, especially so since half of Justice’s firepower lay limp at her side after he’d “shot off” her arm. But she kept one step ahead of him.

“Alright, come and get me.” He thought to himself. He held his mech still and waited for Justice to close. Not taking the bait, she rocketed behind him.

Joshua headed out towards another copse of woods as Justice took up position to his rear once more. All this maneuver had allowed Joshua to do one very important thing however: widen the distance between them.

Justice leaped into the woods on her jump jets, cutting him off. But the heavy trees prevented either of them from drawing a bead on the other. Joshua then backpedaled out of the woods, bringing his machine against a cliff side.

Justice took a step back and came right into Joshua’s sights. “Now, time to show you what I can do.” He squeezed the trigger and lasers lanced out, followed by a simulated gauss shell. The gauss missed, but the lasers struck home, ravaging her armor.

“You can’t have much left.” He said aloud.

“I’m not dead yet.” She replied, taking her machine out of the woods and out of sight of Joshua. Joshua looked down at his tactical monitor. It showed her just around the corner, nursing her wounds. They held position for several seconds.

Joshua brought his machine around, heading around the cliff towards an incline he could climb. He dipped down just as Justice rocketed up and came down behind him again. A quick snap shot from both of them scorched away more armor, but neither could land the killing blow.

Joshua brought his machine up to full speed and dashed away. A quick glance at his chronometer showed the battle had been going on for nearly three minutes. “As if I needed another reason to remember why I married her. She’s my equal!

Justice held back as Joshua further widened the distance between them. But Justice did not stir from her the little gully she had found for herself. “Now who’s the one playing keep away?” taunted Joshua. He turned and brought his mech back to the canyon floor, now heading back towards her to flush her. It worked. She dashed out of her position back up to the top of the cliff side that Joshua had just abandoned.

Joshua continued down the canyon, keeping his eyes above for Justice and her mech. As he maneuvered around the terrain, he saw her jump back down. Although in a full run, Joshua brought up his reticule and fired. This time, his weapons pounded her machine to scrap.

“Finally!” he declared as the computer registered the kill.

“I thought I could get to cover faster.” Lamented Justice. “With the way you’ve been shooting, I thought I was in the clear.”

“Well, I’ve been in a dropship for almost two months also.” Replied Joshua. “It seems I’m in need of some practice as well. In truth, it’s been a long time since I’ve fought an opponent in single combat for nearly five minutes without one of us going down.” He brought his machine over to hers and stopped. He disembarked and climbed down to greet her.

Both of them were covered in sweat. Even though simulated, the intensity of the battle showed on their bodies. Joshua looked her up and down. With her wearing nothing more than a cooling vest, a bra, and panties, he felt a bit of stirring below. She looked at him.

“Ok, not only am I a mechwarrior, but apparently, I’m a damn good one too.”

“You are.” Said Joshua, stepping over to her. She looked up at him.

“In an equal machine, you would have lost.” She said.

“I would have.” Admitted Joshua. “That’s the best battle I’ve fought in a long time.”

She leaned in and kissed him. Joshua held her close and let the kiss linger. She pulled back after a few seconds. “So, where are we?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Something feels familiar about this place.”

Taking that as a good sign, Joshua checked the noteputer attached to his cooling vest to double check their position. It was a wireless terminal for the computer on board his mech and confirmed that they had been fighting about five kilometers northwest of the O’Brian manor.

“It may. Care to take a side trip?”

“This has been a good day so far for remembering things. I feel like I’m close, but there’s something there blocking me from knowing the rest.” She said to no one in particular. Her eyes focused on Joshua. “If I was a Star Sword, then I’ve been stationed here also. If there’s something nearby that can help me remember, take me there. I want to know who I am. I want to know all of it and I’m tired of waiting for things to run their course.”

“Ok, get aboard and follow me.”

---

The two mechs pulled to a stop in front of O’Brian manor. Joshua disembarked, zipping up his jumpsuit. The O’Brian’s chamberlain, Phillipe, came outside hurriedly as Justice disembarked herself. “Lady Li…” he began excitedly before Joshua raised his hand to silence him.

“She’s not herself. She doesn’t remember a lot about her life.” Explained Joshua hurriedly. “I thought bringing her here might help jog a few older memories. But she will likely regard you and the others as strangers.”

“How horrid.” Exclaimed Phillipe.  “This must be hard on you, mi’lord.”

“You have no idea.” Said Joshua. “Alert the Baron of our arrival, if you would.”

“Yes, mi’lord.”

“I know this place. I’ve been here.” Said Justice.

“You have. This is Manor O’Brian, home to one of the prominent families of this planet. We are not far from the base, maybe 5 kilometers. Baron O’Brian once commanded the militia of this world, before the Star Swords came and took up residence here. Come. Let’s enjoy a bit of the Baron’s hospitality.”

Marian had told Joshua that few outside of the Star Swords or the MacLeod inner circle knew the truth of why Lisa fled New Belfast all those years ago. Thus, Joshua anticipated a reasonably warm welcome from the O’Brians, who knew nothing of his affair with Gwen. He was not disappointed.

“Welcome, General.” Said Baron O’Brian as they stepped inside. “And it is good to see you as well, miss.”

“I am called Justice. At least, that’s the name I know for myself.” She admitted. “General Messer thinks it good to bring me here. Thinks it may help me remember.”

“It may indeed. General, I give you the hospitality of my home. Stay as long as you need. Phillipe can provide you with anything you require.”

“Thank you, your grace.”

“I have matters to attend to, but if you would like, you may remain for dinner as my guests.”

“That would be wonderful, your grace. Thank you.”

“Then I take my leave.” He turned to Justice and smiled. “I am hopefully that find some part of your past here. This house holds many memories.”

“I remember him…vaguely.” She said to Joshua as the Baron walked away. “He’s not my father, but he makes me think my father might be someone like him.”

Joshua chuckled at her observation. “How true.”

“He’s a friend of my father. That’s why you laughed.”

“For whatever lack of memory you may have, Justice, you logic does not fail you.”

“Then I am a native of this world. My parents are here? Siblings? Brothers and sisters? Here?” Justice began to get visibly upset.

“Yes, all of them.” Said Joshua, trying to calm her. “You have already seen some of them and not known it. Two of them journeyed with us back from Hesperus. Your sisters.”

“I want to see them.”

“In time.”

“Now!” said Justice, insistent.

“You can’t force this, Justice. We’re here with the O’Brians. This house holds secrets for you. Why don’t you let it tell you its tale before we go running off to see people you will not remember. You said a little while ago that you feel like something is blocking you from learning more. You’re right. Your mind is at war with itself. You’ve practically had answers to some of your questions handed to you and you’ve said nothing about drawing the right conclusions from that. My suspicion is encountering your parents and siblings won’t help you at this time. Your mind won’t let you remember them….just like it won’t let you remember me.”

“You? Then who are you to me then?”

“I could probably tell you and it would no longer shock you. But at the same time, I don’t think it would help you. I’m being patient, hoping you’ll remember on your own.”

“Then why are we here?”

“Well, Dr. Jefferson may think this analogy nuts, but it’s a bit like military strategy. We’re doing end runs around your mind. Trying to find a way to reach the real you. Bringing you here is one of those end runs. You don’t remember this yet, but you have a lot of history with this place.”

Justice nodded. “I’m just so tired of this not remembering. I’m frustrated, and I’m scared. Scared of what I might learn when the truth does become clear.”

“Why is that?”

“Because things are going to change. Changes that might take you away from me. I’ll go back to my life. You’ll go back to yours.”

“Don’t worry about that now. Focus on this place. As I said, let it tell its tale. Come, let me show you something.”

Joshua led her through the house to the garden. There was Daniel’s gravestone, just as it had always been. Justice walked over. “Daniel O’Brian. January 25, 3024 to May 17, 3049. He died five years ago. The Baron’s son?”

“Yes.”

“Did I know him?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

“You knew him. He was a friend, a close friend to you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You named your son after him.”

“My wife did, yes. Come back inside. There’s more.” Joshua motioned for her to follow.

They headed inside and Joshua stopped in the hallway at a painted portrait. “This is Daniel.” He said. Below the painting was a small table, filled with old photographs of Daniel; as a baby, as a child, as teenager, and as an adult. “This is a little shrine they dedicated to him.”

Justice picked up one of the photographs. Joshua’s eyes widened. “I forgot about that one. I don’t remember it ever being here before. Clever Philippe. He must have added it while we were outside.”

“That’s us.” She said, pointing to the three figures in the picture. “It’s you and me and him. He’s in a hospital bed.”

“Yes it is.”

“When was this?”

“Six years ago, on New Avalon.”

“I’ve known you that long and I remember none of it. I knew him and I remember nothing of him.” She burst into tears. “Why can’t I remember?” she cried. Joshua pulled her close and just let the tears flow.

Dr. Jefferson’s Office, Star Sword Headquarters
New Belfast
Tamar March, Federated Commonwealth
7 July 3054

“You probably pushed her too hard.” Said Dr. Jefferson. It was now the next morning, and Joshua was giving a report of all that had transpired the day before.

“I was afraid of that. She wants to be pushed thought.” Said Joshua. “Each she piece she comes to realize is missing makes her all the more frustrated and upset. She cried herself to sleep last night.”

“And you slept next to her?”

“You told me to pursue her romantically.”

“I know.” Said the Doctor. “The problem with pushing her right now is that her mind is pushing back. It doesn’t want to remember. She’s at war with herself. No person with a halfway decent intelligence would not have deduced that you are her husband from all that you’ve told her, and yet she didn’t make the connection.”

“She wants to see her family.”

“Bad idea. It was unwise of you to reveal their existence to her.”

“She’s going to figure these things out, Doc. That’s what we want to happen. Eventually, the evidence is going to overwhelm her.”

“That’s the problem. She’s going to remember everything all at once, all the nightmares. Daniel’s death, Robert’s rape, Richard’s tortures, and your betrayal. Can you imagine what it would be like to have those four things hit you at once? We need to consider a new strategy or she’ll just withdraw into catatonia again.”

“No, I think it’s too late for that. She’s self-aware enough that she’ll know we’re pulling back. Whatever damage may have been done has been done. I think we should proceed. I think she’s strong enough.”

“Your faith may be misplaced.”

“I have to believe in her, Doc. She’s my wife and I love her.”

Dr. Jefferson’s features softened. “It is good to hear you say that. Three days ago, you weren’t so sure of that. Well, the old fairy tales say ‘love conquers all.’ Maybe they were right. No medical journal will ever say this was sound practice, but she does trust you. Don’t lead her astray.”

“I won’t.”

---

“I downloaded the battle ROMs from your fight with Joshua.” Said Gwen to Justice as they walked through the corridors of the headquarters. “My God, you kicked his ass.”

“Yeah, and to think thirty minutes before that I didn’t even realize I was a mechwarrior.”

“You’re learning fast. Remembering fast.”

“Not everything.” Said Justice sadly. “Certain things are just beyond my reach.”

“Ah, there you are.” Said Joshua from down the hallway.

“So where have you been?” asked Justice.

“Talking with the doctor.”

“Giving him a progress report?”

“Of sorts, yes.”

“I’m failing miserably.” Said Justice grimly.

“Absolutely not.”

“I’m not remembering what I really want to. Maybe there’s a blessing in that. As long as I don’t remember, I have you.”

Gwen frowned at the comment, but said nothing.

“Justice, it’s your turn with Dr. Jefferson. He’s waiting down the hall.”

“I’ll see you later then.” She leaned in to give him a quick peck on the cheek. She headed down the hallway.

Joshua turned to Gwen. “We need to talk.”

“The worst four words in any relationship.”

“You knew this was coming.”

“A girl can hope, can’t she?”

“I’m sorry, Gwen.”

“Don’t be.” Said Gwen abruptly. “You love her. You’ve always loved her. I knew that from the start. I did what I felt I had to do. Just like you. I had to try. In the years to come, at least I can say that. “ She leaned forward and kissed Joshua on the other cheek. “Now, go. Go back to your wife. I won’t interfere. I’ll take my defeat gracefully.”

Around the corner and not out of earshot, Justice trembled at what she had heard. Without a word, she ran down the hallway.

---

Gwen limped back towards the command center. Her leg was bothering her this morning, worse than usual.

“You’re not usually quite that gimpy.” said a voice. Javier bounced up beside her, almost as if mocking Gwen’s lame leg.

“Not usually.” Replied Gwen. She ran her hand across his chest. “I see they gave you a uniform.”

“Yeah, and Hauptmann’s bars. I should be insulted.”

“Don’t be. There are warriors with greater experience and seniority in the Star Swords who would be envious of what you’ve been given.”

“He gave you a battalion command.”

“Would you stop looking for reasons to pick a fight? As if I don’t have enough on my mind.”

“What’s bothering you?”

“Well, the moment has come.”

“Joshua went back to her.”

Gwen nodded. “And I let him.”

“You gave up?”

“Yeah. I love him, Javier. Enough to let him go. She makes him happy, even with only half of her memories. Some times you just can’t fight fate.”

“I never thought I’d see the day. Well, seeing as there’s an opening on your social calendar….”

“Don’t even think it, Javier.” Said Gwen, storming past him.

Oh, I’ll do more than think it, Gwendolyn. I’ll make it happen. I’ll make it all happen, everything that was meant to be mine will be.”

---

Joshua dashed down the hallway. When Dr. Jefferson came out looking for Justice, Joshua nearly panicked. Where could she have gone? She had just been there. Why didn’t she go to his office? Did she hear something of his conversation with Gwen and did it trigger something?

He found her outside, shivering on the sidewalk. She had not gotten far.

“Justice…” he said, approaching cautiously.

She spun around like lightning, landing a solid right hook into Joshua’s jaw. The blow sent him sprawling.

“That’s not my name!” she snarled.

“What the….Lisa?”

“You son of a bitch.” She growled. Rage was in her eyes. “You….” Suddenly her eyes turned to fear and she dropped to her knees.

Joshua scrambled over to her. “Lisa?”

Images, sights, sounds, feelings flashed across her mind. Daniel in the hospital bed. Reading the Comstar report of his death. Robert coming to her, the smell of him, feeling his breath on her neck. The touch of Richard’s neural lash and the sound of his sneering voice. All of it. All at once.

“Joshua, help me.” She stammered and pitched forward. Joshua took her hand. Her skin was cold as ice.

“Lisa, stay with me. Don’t give in to it. Fight it.”

But his voice seemed far away as the memories bombarded her, random in their order, painful in their intensity. Getting the renkesu ring. Napineo’s voice. Making love to Daniel. The massacre of the prisoners, including Kyle’s wife. The fall of New Belfast. The prison raid. The recording of Joshua and Gwen. The death of Matthew and Isaac on Garrison. Richard standing over her as Robert assaulted her. Javier and the stunstick. Getting married to Joshua. Giving birth to her son.

The two last images she clung to. She held onto them, forced them to the front of her mind. Savored them. Held on to the happiness. Suddenly the real world around her came back into focus. She could feel Joshua gripping her hand painfully tight. She could hear his voice.

“I’m….I’m okay.” She stuttered. Joshua reached over and touched her on the cheek. She looked him in the eye. “Let me….catch…my…breath.”

“You started to hyperventilate. I thought you were going to pass out.”

“I’m...okay now. I remember, Joshua. I remember it all.”

Joshua smiled. “Welcome home, my love.” Joshua took her other hand. “Can you stand?”

“I can try.”

With his help, she came to her feet. “Dr. Jefferson feared this might happen. Everything come flooding back at once, like a cork popping off a Champagne bottle.”

He led her over to a nearby bench. “Here, rest a bit. You had half a lifetime flood back into your mind at once.” She sat down and looked up at him.

“How could you?”

“I told you, when you were still Justice, that there are things I wish I could forget. I have no excuses to tell you, Lisa. I could give you reasons, rationales, but it doesn’t change what I did to you. I wronged you. I betrayed you. And there is nothing in my life I regret more.”

“And how could I?”

“Excuse me?”

“Look at what I did. Abandoned my family, my son. Who am I to accuse anyone of anything? Maybe I was better off as her, ignorant not just of the nightmares inflicted upon me, but also of those I’ve done to others. Did my punishment fit your crime? And of what crime, did Daniel deserve such punishment? Is that justice? There’s bitter irony in the name I chose for myself.” She leaned forward and put her face into her hands.

“I forgive you, Lisa. I don’t care about any of that anymore. You’re back, all of you. That’s all that matters.”

She sat back up and looked at him. “And I you, my love.” She pulled him close and kissed him. “Our nightmare is over.”

Joshua stood up. “Come, Lisa. There are a lot of people waiting to see you, the real you.”

Star Swords Command Center
New Belfast
Tamar March, Federated Commonwealth
10 July 3054

“General on deck.” Drilled Erik Iolair. As Joshua walked into the briefing room, he looked about at his senior officers, who had jumped to attention at Erik’s remark.

“At ease.” Said Joshua, “Everyone is so formal today.”

“First official meeting of the Swords command staff since Hesperus. We felt in the mood for ceremony.” Said Daisaku.

“Save that for later.” Said Joshua. “Well, it is official. The Star Swords are back at full functional capacity. In fact, we are stronger than before. The reorganization is complete. The 2nd Star Sword regiment shows ready for battle.

“As part of that reorganization, we welcome two new faces to this august group.” Joshua continued. “And one old one. Gwendolyn Laidir has assumed command of 3rd battalion, replacing Daisaku who now commands the 2nd regiment. Gwen also had assumed her duties as our new intelligence liaison. Javier Libereux has been given a company command in 3rd battalion, replacing Kou Fairchild, who’s been promoted to command 5th Battalion of the 2nd Swords. And lastly, and definitely not least, I am particularly grateful to welcome back my wife, Lisa MacLeod, to command the Star Swords 1st regiment.”

The room erupted in applause at that. Lisa nodded from her seat.

“Her military commission has been reactivated, with all rank and privilege reinstated. For the first time since we took back this planet, we are whole and ready to fight.”

“And about that, sir?” said Kou, leaning forward. “Got anything in mind?”

“Spoiling for battle, are we?” asked Joshua. “Well it may come sooner than you think. Prince Victor brought us back here for a reason. We’ve received reports that the Jade Falcons are also spoiling for a fight. You can bet Dal Pryde is going to be up to his old tricks. He hasn’t forgotten us, nor the fact that we kicked his ass the last several times we’ve faced off with him.

“Bearing that in mind. We’re going to sit tight for a while. Normally, I’d consider a preemptive attack on his garrison at Alyina, but there’s evidence the Falcons are shuffling their garrisons around. We might end up against someone else, and while I wouldn’t mind bloodying any Falcon’s nose, I’d much rather it be Pryde than anyone else. So we wait and let him come to us.”

“And we think he will?” asked Gwen.

“Yes, he will.” Answered Mechlanthon. “He still has not given up finishing the job he started six years ago.”

“Excuse me? The Swords didn’t exist six years ago.” Interjected Javier. “I may be the new guy, but even I know that. So what’s the story here?”

“Don’t be so dense, Javier. Where were most of us six years ago?” said Joshua.

“New Vision. Our homeworld in the periphery.”

“And who do you think led the attack on us that day?”

Javier straightened up as he realized the answer. “Exactly.” Continued Joshua. “He knows who and what we are, and while he seems to have had a hard time convincing anyone else of it, he has not let that stop him from carrying out a vendetta against us. Two of us he’s already killed: my friends Isaac Mizar and Matthew Jiwe. This time, when he sets foot on New Belfast soil, he will not leave it alive again. Too many of our people have died by his hand. It’s time he paid in blood for their lives.”

The officers assembled nodded in response.

“Is there anything else?” asked Joshua. There was not. “Staff dismissed.” Everyone got up and filtered out of the room. Only Javier and Joshua remained behind.

“A company command? Is that all you’ll trust me with?”

“You are an expert in small unit tactics, just like Ryan.”

“But he commands a battalion now. Gwen also, who has no more seniority within your unit than I do.”

“There are only so many positions of command available, Javier, and there were people in line ahead of you. I’m already taking heat for giving 3rd to Gwen instead of Mike Koren. He’s earned it, but the intelligence liaison gains a battalion command. That’s our precedent.”

“Why her and not me for that position? We were both ISF.”

“She got here first.”

“And she’s a lot prettier.”

“You overreach, Javier. Your ambition does not match your gifts.”

“No, this has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that I’m Libereux and you’re a Messer. Everything to do with the fact that your father gave Gwen to me and not to you.”

“He had no authority….”

“He set it up. You knew that. Why else challenge me at your Trial?”

“All that was a long time ago, Javier. And irrelevant now. I’ve gone back to Lisa and Gwen has accepted that.”

“Yeah, they get promotions, commands, all for giving you a blowjob at some point.”

“…and you tried to kill me once. Also shattered my arm at the Trial Assembly to handicap me. I almost forgot about that one. Does it surprise you that I chose people who love me over you? But all that was a long time ago and I have given you a company of my best troops to command. Take what you’ve been given, Javier. If I was as vindictive as you accuse me of, you wouldn’t be standing here. Dismissed.”

“I should have known better. Everyone’s so willing to be forgiving of one another, I guess I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be so gracious to me.”

“You are dismissed, Hauptmann. Don’t make me repeat it a third time.” With that, Javier stormed out.

Alyina
Jade Falcon Occupation Zone, Federated Commonwealth
11 July 3054

“All preparations are made, Star Colonel.” said David. “Are you certain that you want to do this?”

“I have desired this action for six years, David. I earned my Bloodname for my actions on their homeworld of New Vision. “

“You will anger the ilKhan if you go.”

“I am aware of that. But he cannot legitimately oppose this holy crusade.”

“Then what is the plan?”

“We will jump into the New Belfast system via the pirate point here.” said Pryde pointing at a system map. We will drop in a remote location of New Belfast approximately 1500 miles northwest of MacLeod City. From there, we should be able to march to the city largely undetected.”

“What of their aerospace patrols?”

“They’ve only been on planet a week. It is doubtful that after such a long absence that all their security measures are in place. Now is our best time to strike. We must, for we may never have this opportunity again.”

“Very well, sir. We await your orders.”

“We launch within the hour.”

Star Swords Officer Club
New Belfast
Tamar March, Federated Commonwealth
11 July 3054

“May I join you, General?” asked Javier.

Daisaku motioned to the seat next to him. Javier took the seat.

“I’m curious about something that was brought up at the officer meeting yesterday. I though you might be able to help me.” Javier said.

“What is it?”

“Joshua said Pryde knew of our origins. How did that happen? How did he connect the dots between New Vision and the Star Swords? Am I correct when I say you have served the longest with Joshua, in terms of your service here in the Inner Sphere with the AFFC?”

“I have. Joshua and I both were posted to the 10th Donegal after graduation from NAMA.”

“And then you faced the 2nd Jaegers here on New Belfast?”

“Yes, Pryde’s force attacked this planet after we withdrew to here from Chateau.”

“Did Joshua do anything to tip Pryde off to his identity? Did he face him in single combat? Did he issue a Clan-style challenge?”

“Are you fishing for something, Hauptmann?”

“I am.” Said Javier bluntly. “I want to know if Joshua has put us at risk by violation of the First Edict. Pryde should not know what he knows.”

“And his knowledge dies with him.”

“Assuming, of course, he doesn’t escape again. But even if he does die, the Edicts are our highest law. A violation of one of them should not go uninvestigated.”

“The matter is resolved for the rest of us.” Said Daisaku.

“It is not for me.”

“If you pursue this, you will find no allies among us. Joshua is our Khan and our loyalty is to him.”

“Our loyalty is to Clan Wolverine.” Corrected Javier. “And the law is the law. If Joshua has broken our law, I will see him punished, stripped of command. I swear it.”

System G121
Jade Falcon Occupation Zone, Federated Commonwealth
13 July 3054

“Caesar has crossed the Rubicon.” Said Phelan Ward to Evantha Fetladral. “The 2nd Jaegers launched out-bound four days ago.”

“That would put them on New Belfast on the 16th. Just three days from now.”

“Prepare for the jump. We will meet them there.”

“Yes, my Khan.”

New Belfast
Tamar March, Federated Commonwealth
15 July 3054

Javier walked back inside the command center holding the data chip that contained all the information he needed. Logs, battle ROMs, everything pointed to the same inescapable conclusion: Joshua had as much told Dal Pryde of his identity as a Wolverine.

“You seem inordinately pleased with yourself.” Said Gwen.

“We each came here with a dream. You came hoping to create some happily-ever-after with Joshua like the old fairy tales used to tell. I came here with the hope what had once been promised to me might be mine.”

“And that is?”

“That I would be Khan. It is now within my grasp.”

“You were never promised the Khanship. Joshua’s father was playing you, and you know it.”

“Even so, I can make it happen.” He held up the data chip. “Contained on this chip is all the data I need to right renounce Joshua as a violator of the First Edict. He gave Pryde our identity. He broke our highest law.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not. It’s the truth. And I’m bringing it before the conclave of the Bloodnamed.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I will. Joshua must stand for his crimes, crimes that have cost Wolverine warriors their lives and may cost us more before Pryde is through with us.”

“The others will not stand with you: Erik, Daisaku, Ryan. Their loyalty to Joshua is absolute.”

“And what of you, Gwen Laidir? You are part of the conclave. How will you decide? Will you see the evidence? See what Joshua has done to us with his shortsightedness? Or will the memory of his warmth within you make your choice for you? You have a decision to make, Gwen, a choice for the truth or for blind loyalty. Loyalty that already got two Wolverines killed when we are already so few. Don’t make the mistake they did.”

With that, he turned and left.


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